My clients are typically individuals who are not discouraged by setbacks. They always have a plan B. They handle curves in the road with intelligence and grace. By most standards they are successful.
They call me because these accomplishments are no longer quite enough and life feels flat. Or anxiety has woven its way through it to a point of distraction. Sometimes they are lonely. Sometimes they wonder if anyone really sees who they are. Sometimes they have just come up against an edge that overdraws even their considerable skill set. What has always worked no longer works well or well enough.
Jonathan is one of those clients. Successful professional. A relationship that seems to be working. Strong guiding values including a desire to give back and several projects in line with these values. But he’s wondering if it’s enough to sustain him over the years. He wonders if at 50 or 60 he will have unbearable regrets. This tortures him even now. Makes him question everything and creates a nervousness I’ve come to see as existential restlessness and difficulty with uncertainty. He wants to use our time to create more certainty by getting to know himself well enough to remove these doubts. He is trying to soothe his soul.
COVID-19 has struck Jonathan hard. He’s still has a job. Financially he will get through. He is healthy. But for all his considerable skills Jonathan does not do well with empty space or feeling he is not doing enough to make his future more certain. He feels deeply unsettled.
Sandra is also one of those clients. Entrepreneur. Self reliant. Trusts herself. Not always others. She has friends. A relationship. Life looks pretty good from the outside. But Sandra is lonely. She can lean into just about all life’s challenges except vulnerability. She asks. ‘is this all?’. She tells me she has a longing for contentment. She is tired of being in relationships where she remains essentially lonely. With people who are not emotionally trustworthy. I feel sad she states: “Am I depressed? “. I don’t think so I tell her, just vulnerable.
COVID-19 has deepened Sandra’s fault line. She does feel vulnerable. Rattled - which is a new experience. She’s very busy keeping her business viable but there are hours in the night where she suddenly wakes, her mind filled with the fragility of life and accomplishments. She feels fragile in a way she has not previously experienced. And in those moments her sadness is almost unendurable.
What is it about this crisis that challenges our psychological as much as our physical immunity? That finds emotional fault lines?
A number of people fear carefully constructed worlds are breaking along their unique fault lines. Yet these same people have such strength that they press on, surviving. They have as Angela Duckworth describes as ‘grit’, or passion and perseverance for long-term and meaningful goals.
That’s what gets them through the danger part of a crisis. However, to thrive in a crisis takes more; it demands courage, openness, and curiosity to embrace the potential in that dangerous moment.
So my question is, “how will you not only survive but thrive and play a part in creating the future?”. It is not necessarily the virus and it’s collateral damage to norms and security that is the greatest danger but the lack of imagination. Beyond finding ways to get by, find to ways to create. What are you learning about what holds you back from thriving on the other side of this? How are these fractures, usable strengths, not just obstacles to overcome.
I encourage clients to acknowledge the risk, to observe their fault lines with curiosity and non judgment. To murmur, ‘Isn’t that interesting’. And turn to imagination, creativity and openness to the possibilities ahead.
If indeed it were possible to go back to the way it was, why would we want to? The old normal is just that. Old. We have learned too much about ourselves and our world to not be changed. Gripping the old with trembling fingers is not thriving. Too much energy invested in hanging on depletes and then all one can do is barely hang on.
Many years ago I read a book called the Structure of Scientific Revolutions. The premise was that change happens in science when what is taken as scientific truth begins to crumble and incongruities and cracks appear in what is taken for granted. During this time, there is a great deal of confusion, defensiveness and fear as the old paradigm or normal is slowly shattered. As new visions begin to create a new world. After a while a new paradigm forms and becomes the normal (and the process begins again). In this way science has evolved from worshiping the sun to Newtonian physics to modern physics.
The corona virus has cracked a lot open. And right now there are no absolute clear new paradigms. That means there is a lot of possibility to play with. And that is the opportunity for each one of us.
I know you wish to create a meaningful and exciting future. You have a sense of possibility. You have questions. You have proven that you have the perseverance and passion to achieve meaningful goals. You are not put off by hard work. Yet something is stuck.
I will help you imagine and define the missing piece. Know your fault lines and discover how they both help and hinder you. Turn challenges into strength. Imaginatively and strategically.
If you are committed to a larger future, willing to walk your fault lines and access your imagination to embrace and move into possibility, call me. I will be delighted to talk with you.
I can help you develop a fearless imagination and a strategy to empower your flow and form possibility into reality.