My clients are amazing. They speak from the heart. Last week one client’s first words were, “I feel so so shallow but this morning I wished I was waking up next to my stylist instead of my partner. I’m not ready to look like some wise old crone”.
Sometimes it’s the small things that get us. Wanting to look in a mirror and see a vibrant and energetic image is neither shallow nor trivial. Inner beauty aside, how we look can make us feel better or worse.
Grey hair and wrinkles are not life threatening. Amid death and financial tragedy, it might not be popular to acknowledge but what you see in the mirror may be affecting your energy and mood.
If you look less than your best you will more likely feel depleted and without the vibrant energy you normally exude. And because large general categories are how humans begin to assess others, this may also be how you are defined and judged in the world. And perhaps how you judge yourself. Yet this is not your sum total.
Hiding grey or smoothing wrinkles is not simply a denial of aging or who you are. No more than wearing makeup, shaving, a car, home, clothes, body art or interests. More than denial, these ‘trivial’ things are the outer colours of your inside. Trivial and shallow. Not necessarily. So what then?
My client’s take away from our session (with permission).
Feelings and fears are never trivial. They may not be useful or effective in the moment but never trivial.
Saying the unsayable helps release the stress and discharge the power of not useful thoughts. So share thoughts.
Complaining a bit can help.
Not judging your feelings helps.
Watch language - in most of western cultures, words like elder and wise no longer resonate with positive energy. Find different language.
Choose to act as you wish to be.
For a number of people I’ve spoken with, this means getting up and getting dressed so you look your best.
My client and I shared a laugh, ‘I guess grey will be the new 40’. Now that is adaptive thinking.
My client’s simple take home project:
Celebrate your best self every day. That means looking your best self.
Act as you would like to feel. The energy you put out will effect how others respond to you.
Trivial and shallow activities? Not really.
These activities addressed what was most challenging for my client in the moment. She was speaking from her heart about what was depleting her energy and holding her back. We can always figure out the psychological whys of this some other time. Right now my client needs to move, to get going. So as to not be left behind.
There may be any number of thoughts and behaviours that are limiting your chances to thrive. I can help you identify them and find ways past them.
If you are ready to imagine and thrive contact me to schedule an introductory call.